I find myself somewhat stunned and confused at the moment. In the last year, God has really been, how should I say this: re-shaping me. My beliefs, my values, my theology and a host of other areas in my life have been destroyed by the context in which I live. Destroyed not in the sense of broken but destroyed in the sense of a re-building that is taking place. An emerging faith is taking hold in my life.
Little have I known that I have been enslaved to consumerism. I thought I was really living for God but gently, He showed me that I was living for myself. I had made church about myself, worship about myself and just plain life about myself. This weekend during a servant leadership class I am in, the question was posed:
How do we as servant-leaders, live in the tension of losing our life to gain it?
I am quickly learning that it is not my worship style that is important. It is the worship I direct towards God that is. It is not the version of the Bible that I use that is important. It is how God speaks to me through His word that is. It is not about how teachers and preachers move me. It is about how teachers and preachers move God in me. It is not about how many people I serve, but the quality in which I serve.
It is kind of like a brick wall crashing down on my lately. I feel blessed that I am convicted about these kinds of things in my life. As an American I only make up the richest followers of Christ in the world. What about those who live on a dollar a day and still choose to say Jesus is Lord. I am moving into a context of decreasing myself, that Christ may increase.
What I am coming to learn is that there are so many ideas moving from the Westernized Church to the east that my closed hand doctrine is no longer necessarily closed hand. My friend Trevor told my about Mars Hill church in Seattle Washington that has a closed hand, open hand theology. There are the basic Christian doctrines that are solid. They are in the closed fist. There are Christian doctrines that are in the open-fist. They are not indisputable. This is where my emerging faith is going. I’ve let go of the open handed doctrine: consumerism theology.
I am rebuilding my open-hand theology.